Breaking the Strong-Willed Child
When Spiritual Bypassing Causes a Generation of Children to be Harmed Because it was ‘God’s Plan’
When I was young—before the age of 5—I was meeting my dad for lunch during his lunch break. When he walked out to the car, I excitedly told him that I hadn’t gotten a spanking that day. He started laughing, and in a joking way said, “not yet at least…” I knew it was a joke—my dad often joked around, he still does. I don’t have many memories from childhood, but I remembered this. As an adult, I can appreciate my father’s sense of humor. And I still can feel the visceral shame creep into me when I recount that story.
I am now told that I was a “passionate” child. I had big emotions, big ideas, talked a lot, was a bit bossy (I mean, I am the oldest daughter, after all!), was messy, loved singing and dancing, found excitement and adventure in most everything, was sassy, and known to be a “back-talker”. I was fearless and wanted to try everything and as odd as it sounds, I was a romantic at heart. Yes, even as a kid.
And as such, I was punished, daily, for my back-talking, my emotional expressions, my failure to comply, my bossiness, and many other things.
The precocious girl I was didn’t exactly fit the type of woman that I was supposed to grow up to be, according to my religious teachings. And that vivacious little girl didn’t fit the mold that Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family taught about. I was absolutely the strong willed child.
