Let Them

Exploring how High Control Religion lends Toward Vilification and Relational Cut Off

I haven’t written a “Therapeutic Journaling” article for a while, so I figured we were overdue. This article is more about things I am learning personally than it is about a headline from the week.

I vividly remember the day I drove away from the church I had grown up in for the last time. I knew it would be the last time—not because I was moving away (that was still months off) but because as I sat in the service that day, hearing the pastor preach about forgiveness and restoration, I finally saw that what they taught about was not what they practiced.

I had been a part of a four-month long investigation, of sorts, where I had committed a wrongdoing (aka sin) and despite admitting to it, taking responsibility, and making amends, the church leadership would not let it go. Additional accusations were made, assumptions were believed to be truth, and no matter how many times I owned up to the fullness of what I had done, they only responded with “we don’t believe you, we think you’ve done more than that.”

In that singular sermon, my eyes became wide open that despite preaching forgiveness and restoration, what it looked like in practice was nothing like what they taught.

I drove away shaking and crying. I  actually left the service early because as soon as I realized the hypocrisy, my body began to churn. I felt light headed and nauseous; I began sweating and feeling panicky.